Getting to the end of the hallway by Mel Pope

I have always been reluctant to talk about my accident, I have never wanted anyone to see me as a victim, I have always been the strong one – the one you turn to for help. And here I was unable to move lying in a hospital bed.

I do not remember my accident, I remember waking up in hospital not knowing I had been in intensive care for 1 week, no one knew I did not remember, they were all used to coming to sit with me every day, unaware that I had no idea what had happened – for me for a while it was like ground hog day. – every day being told I was in an accident, every day asking someone to tell my boss I would not be able to come into work.

The stoma nurse was unaware of my memory loss, she came in to assist me, not knowing, following on from our previous conversation. Busy doing what she needed to do, she did not notice I did not recognise her – I guess as I tend to great everyone with a bright smile, even when the ambulance took me into the emergency ward they said I was smiling and cheerful.

So, as the stoma nurse continued to assist me, all the while I watched in horror – it was very confronting to find out you have a stoma. She finished and left, and I broke down. I put in a complaint as I was now in a victim mindset, my mind swimming and trying to process everything. To her credit, she came back up to my bed and apologised, she then explained everything to me like it was the first time we met. Very quickly putting me at ease and I shifted my mindset back into focus, processing everything and working out how to go forward from here.

I had multiple teams that would come in each morning to assess me and ask a million questions – I had only one question in return, when can I go home? They would all tell me the same thing, you have to wait for spinal surgery and your pain medication is too high to be able to be administered in a tablet form.

So, each morning when the pain team would ask me how I was, I gave the same answer every day – great, I would like you to reduce the dose. They knew what I was up to and they could not stop me.

The day finally came, I was scheduled for spinal surgery. I had been in hospital for months at this point – desperate to get out of bed. Desperate for any other routine other than being rolled from side to side as the nurse rubs in cream to prevent bed sores, desperate to be able to have a shower and wash my hair.

The next morning a new visitor, the physio! Well this was a sight for sore eyes, finally he taught me to get out of bed, I was able to use a frame and get out of bed. Determined to get as far away from my bed as possible my physio gently reminded me that I still had to turn around and go back, reluctantly I did. This was a good call as I was exhausted and had pushed it too far. He never found me in bed again, I just needed to know how, and I was off. He worked with me for a while teaching me how to transition from the walking frame to crutches and then it was off to rehab.

What kept me going is similar to Andy’s son’s story about the light posts – while I was in the walking frame I set a target each day – I am going to get to the end of the hallway. Then, I am going to go around the corner and finally I am not going to use the frame, I can do this on crutches. I would not have been able to do this in a victim mindset – a gentleman in the bed opposite me was in this mindset and turned down the physio’s attempts to assist him – I tried to encourage him and let him know that if he would only try he would be able to go home sooner. This encouragement fell on deaf ears, he was not open to seeing or taking steps to help himself – he wanted to be a victim. I had my goal firmly set which grounded me and helped me get through each day. I wanted to go home!

I did not feel like a top performer at the time and I would not allow myself to be a victim – it took me two years before I could return to full time work, but I can assure you I took every step possible to return to a ‘normal’ life or what my new life would be.

When Andy told me what he was doing I was so excited to be a part of this community. He has always been an amazing teacher and someone that will always encourage you to be your best. It is easy to slip into a victim’s mindset, just don’t stay there for too long. Find strength in those around you, find strength in your dreams and goals – push forward.

Even after an overall assessment of 46% impairment and constant pain – I have started running, it is not how I used to train, but I am also no longer that person before the accident. I can run, so I do, I try to run every day.

Now I know Andy would be upset if I did not also mention that during my rehabilitation and in-between working full time – I started a rehabilitation of my own. I rescue our native wildlife, eagles, falcons, hawks, owls and emus…. and many other birds as well. I use what I have learnt to help our wildlife recover and return to where they should be – free! Believe me when I tell you our wildlife only have one mind set – they do not know how to be victims.

Again, I am sharing this in the hope that it will inspire you, that it will show you that what Andy teaches works and if you follow the 4M’s, if you follow listen and read from the best – you will become the best version of yourself – you will be unstoppable.