Coming to Terms with Imposter Syndrome by Sam Kong

Imposter syndrome is a fascinating subject to me.

Something I hadn’t had defined until a few years ago, and almost imperceivable in anyone that isn’t you. Someone will tell you they suffer from it, and the immediate and natural response is to try to wonder out how on earth they came to this conclusion. Of course, they can do the job! They do it every day, and they do it well. How could they possibly think they’re an imposter?

Flip it around and I carry it with me every day. I run a franchise business with 9 members of staff, starting off with 2, then 3, then 6, then a second office. It’s successful because it is a franchise. The parent company did all the work, and I’m just carrying the torch. It probably seemed like a good idea at the time to give me a shot as I’m competent, but a leader?

 I’ve been asked to write a blog for Andy Fell. He’s been an inspiration these last couple of years, I read the blogs every week. ‘What should I write?’ ‘Whatever comes from the heart.’. Small moments in our lives that make a world of difference, and the thing I can write about is why, while I still suffer imposter syndrome, I don’t let it hold me back. I have realised that if I’m not feeling it, I’m in my cave. Imposter syndrome is the bright light I’m stepping into. Leaving my comfort zone and trying something new. Realising that the thing I fear isn’t failure, it’s having not tried.

I was exceptionally ‘lucky’ (see Andy’s blog for a much better definition of luck than I can put into words) a few years ago to join First Mortgage and be given the best manager I could hope for at the time. After over a decade at a large corporate, feeling like both it and I had lost my way, I had a manager in David Livingston who was an excellent coach, mentor, and supportive influence in my life. He offered me a carrot after years of stick. He would praise loudly, challenge privately. He would thank you regularly and make you feel like you’re 10 feet tall. In a big moment of change in my life, leaving a company I’d spent a third of my life and almost my entire career at should have been scary, and while it was at first, it quickly became freeing and the second-best decision I made in my career. The best was to open the franchise, even if neither quite felt safe at the time.

I didn’t realise I had a mantra until I met Andy, and I realised that every day I tell both children the same thing; “kindness is the most important thing”. I’d written this down to include it in my essay, and my eldest son, Matthew, asked if he could help. When I’m writing I find it hard to break my flow, so I handed him the pen, got up and got myself a drink while he wrote, sat back down and continued writing. It was only the next day I read what he had written, which I’ll translate below. Sadly, Matthew has inherited his fathers handwriting.

‘To be nice to people even if they’re not nice to you. To always try your hardest. Try to make new friends and meet new people. Making people happy when they are sad. Never judge someone if they feel differently from you. Take care of others. Try to be generous not jealous. Be proud of people and their accomplishments.’

To say the above brought me joy, pride, and any other number of superlatives would be an understatement. This is a 12-year-old boy who’s been through (as with all of us) a really rough few years, with the added complications of transition to high school and hormones. I’ve given him a mantra and he has run with it; those words are his, not ones I have taught him, but he’s thought about what being kind means, and added his extra 10% and then some.

So, what made work such a good move? Why am I ok with my imposter syndrome now? Why does my son’s writing have anything to do with this? The thing Andy has given me as much as anything else is a framework to understand and apply knowledge, some I’ve had and some I learned from him. Being more conscious of decisions, goals, and importance of things. I’d always been grateful to David Livingston for the faith he showed me, but I hadn’t realised how much of that had helped to mould me both as a parent and a boss.

When I started as a manager, his was the learnings I looked to most of all, to create a work culture that was successful but also supportive, fair, open and honest. It also must be fun, and while there may be days that I think I was ‘lucky’, I look at the team we’ve built, the work environment we are in, and my children growing up as GOOD people.

I take pride in these achievements, and think sometimes, just sometimes, maybe they were right to take a chance on me. And, of course, when another chance comes along, I’ll take it.

After all, who wants to live full of regret?