'What's your story?' by Jyotsna Dharmarajan

The stories we tell ourselves...

 If I were to ask you to close your eyes and imagine a smuggler and describe this person to me, what would the description say? Most of the people that I have asked this question to would describe the smuggler as male and can create a stereotypical picture of them. Thanks to the Oceans 8 series some people think otherwise! 

Why does this happen?

It is probably because of the story that we have been telling ourselves and the influences that we have had in life who/which have shaped our belief systems.

Most of my colleagues while having their first conversation with me via zoom, automatically assume I am from the North of India, mostly because of my lighter skin colour and the way I speak without a South Indian accent, (South India also has multiple languages and hence different influences from the native/mother tongue) or that’s what I am told when I ask why they thought so. Extrapolate this and see what this can become…

My point here being, it is very easy for the human mind to get influenced and stick to that thought and belief, especially if it has been continuously imposed. And imagine, getting into conversations with preconceived thoughts and emotions with people who we mentor or coach? Do we create a safety zone for them to open or do we go in with solutions to the problem that we think they have?

If you had to then write a report after this mentoring conversation, what would your report say? I am sure you will agree if I said,  that it would be different,  depending on what mind set you went into the session with..

I have been on both sides of this conversation, as a coach gone in with opinions and launched into advice. I have also been a coachee and seen that my coach does not know me at all.

However now, I am very conscious about every conversation I get into, every book that I read, every news that comes to me, I research, seek to understand and then act.

We are not robots. We have emotions and feelings, how well we manage these and tell ourselves the right stories are what differentiate a non- judgemental from a judgemental person, a person who respects D and I and one who does not. Diversity and inclusion goes beyond, sexuality, colour and race.. .......It starts with the mind.

As Andy says, the first step and the easiest way to manage this is by starting the day right. Getting into the right mindset to be open minded using The 4M routine and as Duku says, a cold shower that wakes the senses…I personally like the combination of the two...!